Hello Wonderful People!

I’ve returned from a trip to a Wine Tasting Festival in Durango and would recommend it for everyone next year. Though they refer to it as a Wine Experience, they aren’t actually as “Aspenized” as I had feared they might be. Everyone in town was really friendly and fun to be around. The wine, of course, was fabulous and the food fantastic, even for vegetarians.

While on the trip back, I got to thinking about change and began crafting a great blog post regarding how to deal with the pluses and minuses of change due to deployments. My friends, fair warning: this is NOT that blog. :-) I got tied up thinking about how to refer to those of us who are the mates of the deployed military members. I wanted to refer to the two groups separately and “Military Members” works fantastically for them. But, how the hell do we want to be referred to? If you’re at all like me, and I’m hoping that’s not too much of a curse, you hate the word dependent, too. Ugh! Dependable, sure, we take care of the stuff when the military member is away, but dependent, no way! Sounds like we’re just appendages to the chick or dude in uniform, right? So, I’m the right leg to his torso? Weird. I’m the pinky to his thumb. Closer, but…no. Ah, I’m the middle finger to his right hand. Yeah, that sounds more like me. So, as a group, we flip off the system. I think I might come back to that one.

So, then there is the other military standard: spouse. I’m sorry, but the word itself just sounds gross. It sounds like some kind of bird…the woodland spouse. See what I mean? It also makes me think of exotic diseases you might pick up in a swampy part of the world. “Pardon me, doc, but I think I may have contracted a killer case of the grungy green spouse. Do you have anything for it that doesn’t involve lopping off my middle finger?” Eeep! So…that word is out, too.

Next would be mate. While perfect when used by hot Aussies, it doesn’t work as well in my day-to-day writing. I may be my husband’s mate, but when I switch to the verb and not the noun, all I can think about is nature’s act of offspring creation. Ick! And, since some of us are opposed, on principle, to generating progeny, that word doesn’t work either. (Don’t get me wrong, the hubby has been gone for four months, so ALL I think about right now is “practicing” to make babies when he gets back. We just don’t want the actual baby at the end of the tunnel. Yikes, now there’s a weird metaphor!)

So, my quest right now is to find a suitable word that all of us “state-side stay-ers” would be happy to call ourselves…then I would be able to finish my other blog post, and you could all ignore the crazy that is Kristen. I think we should try out some of the words that mean – to support. Isn’t that how you see it, too? We support the cause by being here, taking care of business, and trying to remain sane on behalf of the military member. Okay, we’ll go with that.

Oh crap! I’ve just seen the error of my ways. Follow me here. If we’re the “support group” then we become the jockstrap to the member…umm, oddly, I have been called worse, but I’m not so sure the rest of you deserve that particular moniker. Of course, the more I think about it, the funnier it gets. Imagine the squadron gift we would all get as our military member PCS’s next time. :-) And, what would the plural of jockstraps be, if that’s what we decide to call ourselves? A flock, a horde, a wing-ding, a mob? I like that! We could be the mob of jockstraps that supports the war effort. And, in the interest of gender equality, we must also support our female military members, right? So, next we become the brassieres to the boob carriers? Or is it bomb carriers? Crap, now I’m confused! The plural of our bra community options: a throng, a jamboree, a fete, a bevy? Yes, that’s it! A bevy of bras!! Wait, no, no, no, no!!! That can’t be right. There are those of you out there, those of you with class (who, if you know what’s good for you, long ago stopped reading my blog!), who would be horrified to be known as a card-carrying member of the bra and jockstrap support group. I can’t, in good conscience, refer to you in that manner. But, that does mean you’ll need to get involved!

Okay, what do you want to be called? Help me out here! I have a friend who tried to lend a hand and he came up with “Princess” for me, and for you male supporting members, “Prince.” I do sort of like that, and you can be damn sure that I have a tiara for the occasion, but I am still stuck in a vision of bevies, brassieres, and balls!! SOS!!! 911!!! Please send aid! The woodland spouse is readying for an attack!

Peace, love, and over the shoulder boulder holders to you all!