Care Packages

One of the jobs of the Statesiders (thank you, Shannon!) is to keep our military members in whatever goods they are craving while overseas. As I discovered while in Ohio, there is just no living without Taco John's Potato Ole's, oh, those golden nuggets of deliciousness make life worth living!!! But, I digress... The U.S. Postal Service has made shipping care packages easier than ever with the flat rate boxes. You can ship anything that will fit into the boxes, within a weight limit, for a very reasonable price. So, there should be no excuse keeping us from alleviating the specific yearnings of our partners. Now, I’ve been married to mine long enough to know that I should wait for him to ask for something he’d like, or make gentle suggestions about things I think he might like versus sending a surprise package. He’s of the ilk that tends to buy his own birthday and Christmas presents…sigh! I think I am finally getting used to it.

Food is something that I think most of our loved ones have to “deal with” while deployed. It’s not that the DFACs (Dining Facilities…apparently the use of the word Mess Halls and Chow Halls offends the Services’ professionals these) don’t do a good job keeping our lovers in calories. Even our vegans won’t starve to death over in the desert. These DFACs even try to vary the menu on occasion, and I can’t imagine having to feed that many people, let alone the morass of growing 18 year-old males currently stumping about in the sand. I’m sure it’s an overwhelming task. (They’re lucky I’m not in charge. I don’t cook much and view a slice of American cheese melted over a bowl of Spaghettios, with calcium, mind you, to be a gourmand’s delight! They say an Army fights on its stomach...if I were in charge, there might be a revolt!) All that being said, sending some treats to the troops you know and love will probably be appreciated.

Tailoring your gifts to the palate of your giftee would be helpful, too. I have a girlfriend flying helicopters abroad, who is a vegan, and she might not appreciate actual beef jerky, but the Tofurkey jerky I found at Whole Foods may be something she can add to her slim-pickin’s of culinary choice at the moment. (No matter how well-intentioned, dead-animal for any of us vegan/vegetarian types would just be wasted.) Now, my husband would happily eat either kind of jerky, though he prefers the stuff his dad makes, but his requests to me usually revolve around hot sauce. You’d be amazed at how many plastic bottles of the Siracha, or Red Rooster sauce, you can fit in one of the flat rate boxes. I think he actually puts a bottle in his ABU pocket and carries it to the DFAC every day at lunch. (Okay, I have to say it: Is that a bottle of Siracha, or are you happy to see me? I warned y’all early on that my jokes are terrible!!) I did find some vegetarian green chili sauce that I sent to both of them as well…which leads me to my possible oops.

I think I have mixed up the care packages. So, we come to my bit of deployment advice for the day: People, pay close attention when you are mailing two boxes that look exactly alike if you haven’t already scribbled the address onto said boxes, or you may end up with a husband wandering around a war zone smelling like fruity Italian grape soap and Coconut/Mango shampoo while wearing a lovely, multi-colored leopard print tank top. I do think the colors will really bring out the green in his eyes, though. Baby, you may end up fending off quite a few suitors. I think the Army personnel are fond of green, aren’t they? And, sadly, my vegan-chica may be reduced to chewing on the plastic around the dead-animal jerky while reading through copious amounts of dreamy-love-muffin stuff I’ve written to my husband. Hmm, I suppose it could be worse…I could have sent them the wrong cats.

“It’s okay, Lucky! She’s a cat-mama, too. She thinks you’re a “good kitty,” even when you’re stealing your sister’s food. Your favorite auntie will take care of you, and you might even get a ride in a helicopter! Zoe added extra stamps to the box…just so you won’t be returned to sender anytime soon!”

Anyway, take care of yourselves, take care of your partners, and be on the lookout for boxes with air holes poked in the sides. I’m missing a few felines and fear the worst! :->

Peace, love, and hot sauce!