Frenchie's Revenge

Okay, people, so I’m back today to report on the first official tasting of the three cheeses the fab hubby sent me. First, let me share with you what the Artisanal Cheese Center marketing arm wrote about their wares.

“La Peral is a lightly blued, rare and delicious cheese hailing from the village Illas in Northern Spain. It is made from pasteurized cow’s milk to which sheep cream has been added. Also known as Queso Azul Asturiano, La Peral is made by the Lopez Leon family. The wheels are aged for sixty days in their Asturian caves just to the point that the blue begins to develop. La Peral resembles an Italian Gorgonzola and has a nice olive flavor and pungent aroma. Its slightly crumbly texture becomes significantly creamier in the finish. Try pairing this outstanding blue cheese with Tempranillos, Cabernet Sauvignons, Gamays, Ports or Spanish dessert wines.

Roomano (editor’s note: no, I didn’t misspell this, it has three o’s) is a skimmed cow’s milk Gouda from Holland aged up to six years. The texture is hard and crystalline; the flavor has intense caramel and butterscotch tones. Roomano is suitable for grating as well as eating – pair this cheese with big reds or crisp, fruity whites or…with dark coffee and let it surprise your taste buds.

Epoisses is a cow’s milk cheese that hails from Burgundy and has been made in the small town of Epoisses since the late 1700s. In order to develop the characteristic dark orange rind, Epoisses is washed with brine for several weeks then finished with wine or brandy. In the Artisanal Premium Cheese caves, we continue the Affinage process, washing our Epoisses several times with Burgundy brandy. This extra washing deepends the flavors of the cheese and guarantees a spoonable, silky paste. One piece weighs approximately 10 ounces.”

Who wouldn’t respond to this sort of siren’s song, by the way? Cheese in all its glory written up by people who adore it and take the process very seriously!!! I was drawn in. So, I sat down last night to taste the cheese. I poured myself a glass of the Syrah you see in the picture. It was one of the “big reds” they had mentioned. I didn’t want to sully the flavor of the cheese with any other foodstuffs, so I just grabbed a few very plain crackers, the wine…and the cheese. I will now attempt to become the new writer for the marketing department by sharing my experiences with you in that sort of literary fashion.

La Peral – For those of you who enjoy eating blue cheese while listening to choirs of angels…try this cheese. It is bold, creamy, and truly heavenly. Its strong flavor is further enhanced by sturdy red wines tasting of shoe leather and musty library books. This cheese makes me want to play with my food…so I wouldn’t advise serving it to children, not if you’re trying to teach them suitable table manners, anyway. The Spanish Fromagers have outdone themselves with this delectable cheese. A definite winner! I will try this over a salad of pungent greens tonight, though it is great on its own.

(So, yeah, I’m still friends with the Spaniards. They make some damn fine cheese. I thoroughly enjoyed eating it, and am looking forward to more this evening. I love the Lopez Leon family and their Asturian caves of Cheese Whizzery, and I think my husband kind of likes me, since he sent this flavor to me. )

Roomano – This is quite possibly the best cheese on the planet, and while I may not be a Maitre Fromager, I knows me some good cheese! This, my friends, is the shit! It is a hard, crumbly, caramel hug for your mouth. The hearty red wines support and bring out the subtle nuances of what can only be called cheesy-goodness! This is a cheese I might even be willing to give up my cheese-slutdom to. I would become a one cheese woman for this stuff. I, like Sam-I-Am, would Seussically eat it in a box with a fox wearing sox! I want to hug the whole country of Holland for this cheese. Really! Get some! ‘Nuff said!

(Yeah, I’m not always overly subtle in my love of things. I’m kind of like a puppy with a new bone with this cheese. I could just lie out on the back deck in the sun and gnaw on a hunk of this cheese to happily pass an afternoon. Well worth the price…whatever it is! I can tell my husband loves me with this cheesy gift!)

Epoisses – I think I can only do this cheese justice by sharing a few of the quotes that my husband took down while I was Skyping with him this morning about my first solo cheese experience. Apparently, I said the following about the funky foot cheese from the horrible French devils:

Holy Shit!!!
It was like hazing.
I needed nearly the whole bottle of red wine to wash it down.
It was the baddest-assed brie I have ever met in my life.
I loved it – kind of like having a riding crop taken to my ass.
I’m going to take my Freedom Fries and go home.
I had to turn my head to eat it. (What then followed was a conversation about getting cheese in my ear.)
This is the French getting their revenge.
It smelled like French feet that have tromped through grapes, the cow pasture, and then, somehow, missed the bathtub.

And, last, but not least:

Even the cats wouldn’t eat it.

(I can’t really add a whole bunch to that other than to say that my friend Rich informed me he wouldn’t ruin any of the good beer he was drinking with ass cheese consumption. I think those French bastards sent cheese that was actually made in the 1700s, and, just for the record, any cheese that has to be washed with anything up to and including brandy has got to be some funky cheese. Yeaugh! Yup, that about sums it up. I hate the French, and my husband must hate me if he sent it to me.)

But, what is apparently comical to my love-bug is that after all of these verbal gyrations over Skype, he asked, “So, did you like it or not?”

My response, “Yeah, I loved it!”

And, really, I did.

It is just a cheese that I will have to choose to do battle with on my terms. I will not let it defeat me! And, I will only eat one bite at a time, no second bites without scrubbing my palate with Ajax first, cuz that flavor just builds and builds until it punches you square in the face.

Apparently, I likes me some feisty cheese.

So, to you good people, enjoy your cheeses from Holland and Spain, but be wary of the fromage from France. I think that whole country really is the Devil!



(Thanks, Baby! Love you! Love the cheese! Love, and yours for as long as you keep sending me cheese, Your Cheeseball of a Wife!)

Wish me luck, I'm heading downstairs to figure out how to duel with the funkiest of cheeses. Until next time,

Peace, love, and the mostest, funkiest, of fabulousest cheeses to you all!