Dear Daddy,
Hi, it’s Lucky and Neekie. Where are you? When Mama put you in the car and took you to the veterinarian’s office, we thought you’d be home sooner. Did you get lost? Are you micro-chipped like we are? If so, they can scan you and figure out how to send you home again. (And, no, it doesn’t really work with the grocery store scanner like Mama says. We tried it on Zoe, but they kicked us out of the store like a couple of criminals!) We certainly hope Mama didn’t try to get you fixed like she did us. If you need us to put some toys and treats together so you can have them while you’re staying at the vet’s, just let us know. We’ve learned how to use tape and scissors over the last few months. There were a few regrettable mishaps along the way, but Zoe’s fur is growing back in just fine.
Anyway, we have to tell you some of the weird things the Mama is doing in your absence. Do you know she listens to 80’s music really loud when she works out in the basement? It makes our ears hurt. What is a “heavy metal guitar riff” and we've never heard of a “hair band” before. Don’t those singers know that mullets went out a long time ago? By the way, Mama is growing her hair out too…and it’s starting to look suspiciously like a mullet in its own right. Yikes! Business in the front, party in the back, my furry fanny!!! She’s going to look ridiculous. And, can you tell her not to sing Cher songs -- please?? She sounds kind of like Zoe did when she had a run in with a giant hairball the other day. “Hack, ack…” LOL!! See, we learned text-speak, just like Mama's students! :-)
And, what’s the deal with Mama talking to us all the time? Doesn’t she know we like to sleep 22 hours a day? But, she’s ALWAYS talking!! We know that she’s usually saying nice things to us, but come on, is a little peace and quiet too much to ask for in our own home? And, that Mama, she’s a bed hog, too. She thinks she deserves HALF of the bed. Settle this for us, please – if there are four of us, shouldn’t we each get a quarter of the bed? It sounds fair to us. Mama doesn’t share very well, does she?
Speaking of sharing, she almost never gives us what she’s eating for dinner. Then again, that may be a blessing in disguise. Daddy, the woman is trying to cook for herself! It’s preposterous. You do remember that she is Queen of the Casserole, right? She can squeeze cheese into any dish on the planet, and acts like it belongs there. I swear, she puts cheese on her oatmeal in the morning…and then she doesn’t give us any. The indignity of it all! Having to beg…just like dogs do. Puh-leeease!
And, she redid the living room, too! It's now these nerve-jangling colors like orange and purple. There are so many patterns in the room that Zoe's eyes cross whenever she's awake...which isn't very often, so maybe that's a non-issue! :-) But, there are stripes, and polka-dots, and paisley bits. And, ugh, there are flowers on stuff, too. It looks girly! Gag! It doesn’t go with any of our fur anymore. We heard Mama say something about dopamine. What is that? Is it good to eat? We like treats!! Oh, sorry, we got distracted. Curse our short attention spans. Anyway…the living room is now so bright that it’s hard to get our full course of naps in every day. We think our retinas might actually be singed. But, we’ll persevere. We are cats, after all. ZZZZZZzzzzz......
Well, anyway, Daddy, we hope you are okay at the vet’s office. If you need us to organize a rescue, we will. We’ll just have to find someone tall enough to see over the steering wheel. But, please, come home soon. We love the Mama, but sometimes living with her is just unbearable. We know she tells you to keep your head down, but we don’t understand that. Anytime we run with our heads down, we step on our own whiskers. So, we’ll just tell you not to drink the curdled cream and we’ll save you a mousie to play with when you return.
Love and Head Scritches,
Neekie and Lucky
P.S.
You can have Zoe’s spot on the bed when you get back!
Editor's Note:
It's always nice to know what your cats really think of you. And, no, I don't anthropomorphize anything at all! :-)
By the way, the mullet looks fantastic, in case you were wondering!!
My poor grandkitties! Just put some of the husbands socks over their eyes. :-)
ReplyDeleteSend photo's of the redo and perhaps a shot of your mullet.
Just took some pics of my color explosion. Will try to get them on the blog over the weekend! And, I don't think he left me any socks, since he knew I'd wear them. :-)
ReplyDelete