Dopamine – The Deployment Survivalist’s Best Friend

One of the things that gets highlighted every time my husband deploys or vacates the house for long periods of time is that the level of newness, or the “cool-osity factor,” as we call it, is much higher for him. He’s in a new place, with new people, doing new things. This can be tough for me, as I’m still scooping the same cat poop in the same basement wearing the same flip-flops. Worse yet, I’m forced to eat my own cooking. (Read – opening and heating a can of Spaghettios!) These are laments shared by many of my friends who are spouses. They’ve asked me, “Why isn’t she calling me more often?” or “Why doesn’t he sound more excited about talking to me when he does call?” Truth is, we don’t generate the same amount of dopamine that the new situation does for our husbands and wives.

Dopamine is one of the so-called “love-hormones” released by your body when you fall in love. The euphoria that you feel in the initial stages of a new relationship – that “twitter-pated” feeling - is as addictive as cocaine. This same hormone is released whenever your body encounters a new situation, to varying degrees. It’s what’s happening to your beloved when he or she arrives at the new duty station. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to you on the phone, but do know that you are competing with a cocaine-like addiction for a while. (Don’t sweat it, it does wear off.)

Instead of trying to fight this and issuing a siren’s call louder than the new, cool place where your mate is living, why don’t you try generating the hormone within your own body? It can be as easy as changing your surroundings. Ever feel like rearranging the furniture when your lover vacates the premises for longer than a week or two? Your brain is searching for ways to inject your body with dopamine. Why not give in to it? Slap a coat of paint on the walls! (You might want to cover the furniture with drop cloths first.) Once the rush of dopamine starts, you’ll miss your one-true-love less than you’d feared!

I tried this myself once. And in honor of all "go big or go home" attempts, I decided that a pansy neutral like beige or, god-forbid, light eggshell wouldn't be nearly good enough for me. Nope, I took my inspiration from the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Box. Not the blue of the box, mind you, the orange of the cheesy-goodness that may or may not be from actual cows. (I don't judge, I just eat it and love it!)

The photo above illustrates how much "damn, I'm in love!" hormone can be generated by one gallon of paint. Funny, it kept me from missing my husband nearly as much once the walls were all painted that fan-freakin'-tastic color. The best part is, if you choose to go the super-sonic color route, don't worry about your spouse complaining. After all, he or she is too far away to do anything about it!